The Adventure of Intimacy

Curtis Friesen
2 min readDec 10, 2020


One of my favourite periods of adventure and intimacy took place while living on Vancouver Island. I was living in my Van. My girlfriend and I would get in the Van and just explore Vancouver Island. Eventually we found favourite spot where we could pull the Van right up to the edge of the water. When we backed the Van up to the edge of the ocean, we would wake up in the morning. It’s a spectacular thing to wake up with the Pacific Ocean underneath your bed. We’d throw open the doors and snuggle as the sun came up. We had our own private Hacienda. With spectacular Ocean views. Those trips were fully in the moment. The Adventures that we went on created such an incredible intimacy. That time also shaped the foundation for my future. I’ve realized that we created something new for ourselves. We created an adventure/intimacy cycle. It allowed us to step out of the pain/pleasure cycle which is often normalized in this day and age. It’s one reason why modern relationships suffer.

Photo by Katie Drazdauskaite on Unsplash

My theory is that adventure and pain meet the same basic emotional needs. From different ends of the spectrum. I’ve learned over the years that;

  • frowning and smiling utilize the same muscles
  • as does laughing and crying
  • fear is excitement without the breath

To sum it up, our physical and emotional responses are largely dependent on perception. How we think affects what we feel. It’s got me to thinking about the pain/pleasure cycle. What if, like a frown turned upside down, this toxic cycle could be flipped as well. For that purpose, I am presenting the Adventure/Intimacy cycle as an alternative. Perhaps Adventure is an evolved version of Pain. Maybe intimacy is an evolved version of pleasure. My instincts are guiding me into adventure as the solution to this dynamic. I hate it. The pain before pleasure. Just why, why does it have to be like that. There has to be another way. And so my frustrations have lead me here. To the adventure intimacy cycle.

Maybe I am right, and maybe I am wrong. Either way, I am keen to hear your stories of how you have used adventure to create intimacy. My desire is that reading this leads to inspired action. May the universe surprise and delight us.

Photo by JOHN TOWNER on Unsplash